landofharvest.com Blog

The truth is, being out of the nest, out of the boat, out of my corner, or any other place or thing that holds me back from really knowing His powerful, eternal, soul satisfying love, is where I want to be. Like Rich Mullins said, “On the road to salvation, I stick up my thumb and He gives me a ride”.  So Lord, today, I am looking forward to experiencing Your love, as I hang on to You.

I also want to remember, perhaps even make some sort of memorial, so I won’t forget… past victories, and blessings, and prayers answered. The Israelites were always setting up memorial stones, as in Joshua 4 “…Each of you take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of tribes of the children of Israel, That this may be a sign among you when your children ask in time to come, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ Then you shall answer them…”
I have seen such evidence of His leading, provision, love and faithfulness, that my faith is edging toward the place where I can feel safe in surrender, more and more. I have been entertaining ways of making memorials of these as Beth Moore calls…”God Stops”, when God does something that breaks into our life, and changes things.  I have written songs about trials, purpose, and yielding. I have painted illustrations of life lessons. Now, I am thinking of doing something that is mainly between the Lord and I, but will give me a record of what has transpired between us. I have always written my prayers, to help with focus, and also to thwart the enemy or my own “you are such a failure” thinking. I have proof, that “AHA! I did pray!” (Which was so amazing when we got our belongings out of storage after the homeless months, and I looked to see…Was I right with God when everything went crazy back there in the spring of 2007? Yes, I had that prayer journal to review and confirm that I was praying, and was passionately seeking the Lord.)  Also, the Prayer Journal gives me the means to write in the dates of the answers to prayer, and that is what I want to improve on. So… My New Years Resolution, is to…SCRAPBOOK MY PRAYERS!
Yes, infact I actually had a dream about this. My plan is to take the concern of my heart, and put it as a prayer in the middle of the page, and daily surround it with the promise verses I am praying, and then chart the evidences of the hand of the LORD, as He answers. (Because He always does!) I read recently in a prayer book of Oswald Chambers, that we should do more than present our prayers for help like a child handing over a broken toy to our father. But, we should also present ourselves, to wait and enjoy the thrill of watching our Father work. This is a beautiful picture to me, and I believe if I do the work of prayer, and actively await His answer, I will have a Scrapbook page Memorial, of what God has done in my life!
So this is my focus this fine New Years Day, to make 2009 a year of praying and to “meditate on all Your works, and talk of Your deeds.”

There is a line in a song by Jadon Lavik that says…”So explain to me why we fill up empty with empty and at the end of the day, We’re confused by the longing.”                              I am always trying to figure out what is that itch I just can’t scratch. Why isn’t this Carousel ride more thrilling? Why do I feel like I am missing out on something?                        
I’ve been saved going on 15 years now, and I still look for “happy”, even though I know full well what I am really longing for. Jesus in me.  He is so close, right here… and yet I chase after the temporary.  Until He reminds me.
After all these years, I am still blown away by how powerful it is to be aware of His presence. Everything I am longing for, is in heaven. But that overwhelming flood of love and assurance is right here, when I seek Him.   When I take that moment and worship Him, I feel like I am in heaven.
The Lord fills me up with His Word, when I know He hears me praying, and most often…He uses a song.  I am so affected by music. When I hear a song that speaks to me, I want to run and get my guitar and start singing and join in!  It’s like this light has flipped on, and I think “This…is what I’ve been longing for!” 
I am praying that in 2008, the Lord will bless “Land of Harvest “with lots of places to plant seeds…to sing, praise, share, and shine into the darkness.

FATHER, LET THE MUSIC FLOW. LET IT BRING YOU GLORY. BY YOUR SPIRIT, LET IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN ME, IN MY FAMILY, AND IN THOSE YOU’D HAVE US SHARE IT WITH. IN JESUS NAME, AHMEN  2Cor. 4:6&7 ” For God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.”   

Thankful…When life is just cruising along, we focus on the tasks at hand and are barely aware of what’s really important. Often, it takes times of trial to cause us to take notice of our blessings.  Sometimes, we look back and see the blessing of the trial itself, and that gives us hope and peace about what ever comes next.

So, after this  absolutely crazy 2007, where I have known great heartache &  homelessness, I rejoice in it all, as I give thanks…        
Lord, Thank you…  For severely pruning me, and the fruit that will result for Your glory. For clearly showing me how desperately wicked my heart is, and how it cannot be trusted. For teaching me to trust YOU, to keep my eyes on You when I can’t see the road ahead. For showing me that You really do “own the cattle on a thousand hills”, and when I pray, You provide.  For creating in me a deeper love and respect for my husband, as he has shared his gift of deep faith, with my wavering heart, in many nights of tears and prayers, and many days of fears and promise verses given. For the fact that he is a shepherd and I am to be one with him. That You are his Shepherd, and You will guide him safely. For my children, and their being just so wonderful and fun to be with everyday. For the way you bolstered their faith with amazing answers to prayer. For the work you are doing to heal their sad hearts, and to give them a safe home and a hope for the future. For my extended family, in opening their homes and hearts and purses to us, over and over. For their obvious battle of love in watching us falter as doors closed and seeing us leave them as distant strange doors opened. For music that can be the very expression of what I long to say to You or about You. That I can share it with my musical family, and all those precious times that it has been our prayer and praise and has given us peace. For my new church family, so giving, and so understanding. For providing us with a home, and salary and benefits. For giving us the hope of once again, truly serving You Lord, by loving Your sheep. For a house, this little cape cod that has given us a warm shelter and a place to call home. For the breathtaking autumn surrounded by woods out every window, and now the Ragged Mountain topped with snow.  For a place to do school with my boys, and a yard for them to run in, and giant boulders and trees to climb and build forts in.
Lord, there is so much to thank you for, but most of all I thank you for saving me. For being that friend that sticks closer than a brother, for being so real to me at times that Your  presence is like my breath. I can’t help but speak Your name Jesus, and close my eyes and let Your light shine on me. Thank You Lord for being in me, that as in the song, ” I am never alone.” Thank You for what ever You have planned and purposed for this sinner, I know You who have called me, will also do it through me.

 Another Kimblog…
I often wonder if other Christians feel as though they were made to do something in particular, but it just never really comes together. I’m not talking about being famous or getting rich, but the intense desire to use a gift for the Lord.  There is this real passion, to the point where they think about it, long to spend time doing it, and are saddened that God doesn’t bless the attempts in it.  All the while watching others seem to really take hold of an idea or use a gift to do great things and be truly used.
In homeschool Bible time today, we were in Galatians 2, and discussing… “I have been crucified with Christ;  it is no longer I  who live,  but Christ lives in me;  and the life which I now live  in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” (2:20 NKJV) We were talking about how our salvation is by faith in Christ alone… ”by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves;  it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” (Eph. 2:8&9 NKJV) and how even our Christian growth is based on faith in Christ living in us.  We often try to do things to be more holy and spiritual,  and although they may be the right things, such as… praying, church going,  serving, and reading our Bibles, these Christian “Must Do’s,” can be done in the flesh.  We have all done it, prayed selfishly and half heartedly, or the usual one for me is to serve grudgingly.  Erin, (one of our teens) and I ended up having to ask Craig, (the preacher man in our family) “Just how do we know if we are doing the Christian stuff in the flesh, or by the Spirit?  How do we measure or test these things? ”
Now, before I give his wise answer, I have to say that this idea and feeling  of passion and purpose, and my pain in it’s apparently not being used of God, has really been on my mind alot. 
So… when my dear Mr. PreacherMan says, ” Fruit.”        
  I am not encouraged.         
 Okay, I can see that if my prayers are real, my bible reading is with an openness to be effected by the Holy Spirit, and my serving is as unto the Lord with joy and gladness… I will grow, and I will produce fruit, because Christ will be at work in and through me.  But what about that thing that calls to me? Why when I have prayed with tears, and worked with all my heart to do this thing for the Lord, and again…I feel so sure I am made just for this… there is no sign of fruit. (Infact, there is real lack of encouragement from beloved brothers and sisters in Christ.) 
I hope this blogging will help me to work out my thoughts, and give myself the counsel I would give another.  I have had Biblical counsel that at times was so strong, it cut to the heart, and yet the hurt was so…good.  Recently, when we were homeless and so insecure, I sought counsel from a Godly older couple who have been in ministry for about 50 years.  I wanted to know how to protect my heart from the “pastor’s wife” hurts injected by the church, and also if we should follow our feelings about what church to take next. They really hit me hard with the scripture about our hearts being desperately wicked, and untrustworthy.  This is the opposite of what we are told all our lives in the world. ” Watch out for #1 first!” “Follow your heart!”  I CAN’T TRUST ME. 
So, where does this leave my dreams?
I CAN TRUST GOD.
Father, You know I can’t shake this desire to sing and play my guitar, to write music and paint illustrations of worship, for You.  Oh how often I have said that I will do it just for You though the world gives me no reason to continue.  But Lord, You know I want to produce fruit with these gifts.  I ask myself over and over if I am a people pleaser, if I just want the praise of man, to feel good about my work.  If thats the case Lord, break me of it.  Your Word is working on me Lord.  I hope my desires will become more about knowing You and believing You, and  growing by faith in Christ.  I may not amount to much, but if I could bring You glory, if I could make You my boast, then that will be worth it all.  Again, I lay down my dreams, and I decide to “Delight myself in the Lord and commit my way to You,” as in Psalm 37, and trust that “He will give you the desires of your heart…bring it to pass…”  Whether You gave me these dreams, or if my wicked heart has conjured them up for selfish gain, I pray You will make it clear to me, O Father.
In Jesus, Ahmen.
“Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way…” Psalm 37:7